Holding back tears.

when you love a person, you made a choice to love them and their families. even if they hates you. even if they despise you. even when whatever you do seems wrong to them.

and yesterday, my heart was as sad as the mother nature. pouring and crying from the inside. there's so many unanswered questions in my brain right now. was it worth it? was it even worth it to live with? and i kept thinking what was my mistakes to them? or maybe i over-thinked certain things?

i may not be the perfect one for all of you. but i'm proud of what i have become. after all, he's not perfect too. and who are you to judge me? you don't even know my story. to be frank, i think you have such a disgusting attitude that i pity you. God gave u everything but not a good character and you gotta live with that.

can i turn back time? can say 'NO' now? its not that i'm being selfish and not think of us. but its them that i gotta live with in the future. how do i deal with it? when u dont even know the story of it. how do i even start the topic of 'i think your family hates me and i think we shouldn't get married'. that sounds a little selfish to me. BUT how do i get 'YOU' in the sentence?

im so confused, i wanna bury myself in the sea.

God please help me.